Mommy Confessions: Where the magic happens

I’m about to get real, y’all.  I mean, I always am… but it’s about to get personal.

You’ve been warned.

It’s no secret that your sex life changes when you have kids.  Everyone knows it.  But for us, it changed in a dramatic way with each additional child.  We met as single parents, so we never had a sex life with each other before kids.   The first several months of our cohabitation, we shared a bed with Nicholas, who was one at the time.  We then moved into a two-bedroom apartment and were so excited to have our own bedroom.  I was pregnant though and wasn’t feeling the sex thing much.  Then came Harper and he shared our bedroom for the first few months.  We finally had a chance to have a room to ourselves, but the room was in my dad’s house.  We were across the hall from Dad and were always super uptight about making any noise.  During my third pregnancy, we moved into a house of our own, with no kids in our room.  FINALLY, sex was happening.  Of course, we were busy working and tending to the kids and I got so miserably large that I didn’t want any of that.

Kids change everything.

When we have the rare occasion to have a childfree night (it’s been almost two years), we sometimes have sex and sometimes fall asleep because we’re so damn tired.  We sleep naked.  I can’t do that all the time because I have three little boys who stumble into our room and climb into our bed in the wee hours of the morning.

At night, after the kids are asleep, we get down and funky sometimes.  And by sometimes, I mean once a month or so.  We are just so worn out by time they go to bed.  We sometimes give each other a sly grin and practically race to the bed – and promptly pass the fuck out.  You know what else?  Our bed is loud – very cartoonish squeaking.  There are times that, right in the middle of Funkytown, I get totally distracted because I’m afraid I won’t hear a kid cry over the damn squeaking.  There’s also the matter of just not feeling sexy.  When I’m fat, bloated, congested, greasy-haired, or teeth unbrushed, I feel the total opposite of a sex kitten.  I simply cannot get into it if I’m not feeling sexy.  Also?  Totally need to throw out my 2x panties that sag on me.

It’s all ridiculous and sounds like a ton of excuses when I read it back.  The thing is, when we don’t have sex for long periods of time, our marriage suffers.  I am a firm believer that your marriage should come before the children.  I’m so bad at this.  It’s really difficult at times to just let go and remind yourself that the kids will be okay while you lock the door and climb under the sheets for a few minutes.

So my Mommy Confession is this – my bedroom is certainly where the magic happens… if by “magic,” you mean somehow getting six hours of sleep at the end of my hectic day.